I've spent three weeks now in the Village of Kham Pia.

I've made a friend named Ying. She's 24 and has a boyfriend with two children. I've eaten dinner at thier house three out of the last four nights. Saang Jan the woman next door comes over every evening with her family and we all eat together. Saang Jan is a quick-witted woman and makes us laugh a lot. They taught me a little Thai massage last night, Ying having been a professional Thai masseuse in a tourist city for some time. Saang Jan's baby screamed and cried as her mother massaged me. She thought I was being tortured. Later the baby pooped on the floor and nobody noticed the big slops until she stood up refreshed and walked away. This gave us the giggles.



Ying and I trekked up Phu Wua, the mountainous jungle, on Saturday without a guide. She had never been and I'd only been one time before. I teach her English and she teaches me Thai. We speak together in both.

Work is still terribly inconsistent and I’m still trying to find some meaningful work that I like. I visited a hospital on Friday and asked if I could volunteer here. They accepted my young age and lack of experience and kindly showed me around the hospital. In the end the doctor said that he was so happy that I was there and he said that in this hospital they have an open mind and I can learn a whole lot. I think of my dad, the doctor.

I went to Ying's house the other night and Yuod, the sister who is about 59 years old in my home stay stopped by the house and told me I needed to come home. It was only about 8:20. A man who was with us said to me and gesturing to Yuod, "My mother." I agreed sulkily, "My mother." The sister of the house is not a very kind woman and Bunleod says that she is crazy, literally crazy.
Bunleod has been good to me. He has taken very good care that I am comfortable. Lately he's been very worried that I am not happy because of his sister's harsh words and random moods. But I'm okay. I can deal with this. I think it's better that I can't understand her snide remarks most of the time. But I’d like to move to Ying’s house if I can…


When a person dies, the whole village comes together and celebrates with dancing and food. But unfortunately at this particular memorial concert, the drunken boys formed into gangs according to village and began to fight. Most people waited around till everyone was calmed, so they could walk home safely.


I went to two weddings. One in the Village of Kham Pia with two beautiful Thais and the other in a neighboring village with a Pharang (white person) and a Thai woman. The wedding with the Pharang was situated right on the Mekong river. I sat on the steps leading down to the big Mekong beach taking in the incredible shooting mountains just across the water and the light purple moon above them. I sat and unexpectedly also watched several Thais walk down the steps and squat or stand and do their business. This seemed all very natural to them and they didn’t seem to mind my gazing eyes. Soon enough children showed me the way. They raced onto the beach and I after them. Oh the excitement of wide open spaces. We reached the water and waded in, then chased each other and did cart-wheels. I had to go to the bathroom (Number 1) and thought I might as well do it right here as the others had. I told the children to go away but they rebelled but finally with some pressing retreated some. I went behind some tall grasses and the one girl in the group stood guard. I squatted and went for only for a few seconds and stood up again. One of the little boys said “nic noi” which means “only a little bit.” I was thoroughly embarrassed but laughed and laughed. When I went back to the wedding I was ready to dance and danced and danced. And the people loved to see a white girl dance.



Ams has become my buddy in the neighborhood. He's a leader among the youngest children and loves to play with Yugio cards.

My mom wanted me to tell this story: The second week I was in Kham Pia there was one day where I was especially lonely and did not have enough to do. I journeyed out into the rice fields to relax and be in nature. On the path I decided to lay down and look up at the sky. I stayed there for a good while watching the itty bitty clouds drift overhead. Soon I heard a man yell something and knew that there must be two people in the nearby rubber tree plantation. I stayed where I was not thinking much of the men and then soon stood up to go home. But as soon as I stood up the man at the rubber tree plantation yelled many Thai words I didn't understand and then kept saying "Mai pen rai, mai pen rai," which means "no worries, no worries." I was confused and walked over to him. He showed me with body language a gun that was shooting something on the ground. I was shocked and thought maybe it was hunting time and I had better get out of there. A second later a man on a motorcycle drove up. The two men conversed in Thai and then without another word but with a sour face the man on the bike turned around and headed back up the trail. The first man told me again, “Mai pen rai, mai pen rai.” So I turned and left and as I walked up the trail I realized what had happened. This man had seen my body and had thought I was dead. He called the leader of the village and this was the man on the motor cycle who left when he saw that I was indeed not dead. As I walked down the street a family called out to me and gestured the shooting gun. Oh I was embarrassed. It had already gotten around. I reached home and Bunleod was waiting and said to me, “What happened today? You die?” Ohhhh. Bunleod and his nephew had great laughs over this. So thus far I am known in the village as the girl who died and rose up again.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and love.
Julia

Mountains, Children and Work

The mountains rise. They rise high from the flat ground. The dark wooden houses stand on stilts sometimes twenty feet off the ground. The people are tall - not as I had expected. “And you are short for an American, No?” Bunleod asked me. He is my host, my caretaker and my friend.

I learned how to ride a motor bike yesterday. Bunleod explained, “You know how to ride a bike? Then you know how to ride a motorbike.” So I did. And I rode it for 6 kilometers to the Phu Wua wildlife sanctuary headquarters. I sat down to write in my journal and soon enough a ranger came asking if I wanted to stay the night. I answered no and could not explain in Thai that I only wanted to sit for a while. The Phu Wua wildlife sanctuary is not cooperating with volunteers. They want to be paid more for “taking care of the volunteers.” Not only 100 Baht (about 3 American dollars) per day. They say they have too much to do and don’t have time for volunteers. This is not what I had expected. I will still be able to take treks with Bunleod but not often, only when tourists come which is about twice a month. I headed back down the jungle road on Bunleod’s motorbike to Ban Kham Pia. I arrived and was met only seconds later by my four new buddies. Ams and James appeared first, not with the same hesitation they possessed the first day. They straggled to the bottom of the ladder that leads up to my room. Looking up and giggling as I peered at them waiting to see what they would do next. No sooner had I turned around had they squirmed up the ladder and hid under my bed. This was our game the first day I came. So I played along. I’m monster and they are frightened children. Then we switch places, They are monsters and I am frightened big child. Later came Bum and Bill. They’re older and more shy. But we made friends and now Bill doesn’t run from me every time I look at him. Ha!

We took a walk, me and the four boys, down the street and as we walked, children of the village followed until soon enough we had a large gang of small children and one big child. I showed them some gymnastic tricks and then we played soccer - girls against boys - so different from Tanzania - the girls weren’t even allowed on the field, now they have they’re own team. We rolled down hills until our skin felt as though it was bitten by a million mosquitoes.

The first conversation I had with Bunleod, he told me, “There is not enough work here for a volunteer. So you can relax and take it easy.” This was very discouraging.

If there truly is not enough to do, then I have the option of leaving this placement and going perhaps to Nepal and other places. But Nepal would probably be my first choice as there is another eco-project and I have friends in the US who are Nepali and learning some of the language could be useful. But this is a last resort as I like the village I am in very much and hope to stay here. But leaving would not be a terrible thing either.

So to make inroads into what I can do to help the people and keep myself occupied at the time I’m working in two different kindergarten classes right now. One has 70 children and the other has 40. Surprisingly I enjoy the one with 70 children more. The children are more daring and creative and the teachers less authoritarian.

I also ride on the back of Bunleod’s motorbike with him to his office. He is the leader of the Village Kham Pia and runs home-stays and guides treks for people who want to take trips into the Phu Wua mountains. So I speak to him trying to improve his English and I help him with emails and phone calls with tourists. I have made a few families as friends and plan to accompany them with their work, whether it is basket weaving, rubber tree plantation work, farm work with animals, fruit trees, collecting snails and RED ANTS TO EAT! As I accompany them I will speak with them in English and try to improve their communication with tourists who come. A problem stands with the home-stay people as well as they agree to hosting tourists but when the time comes for a tourist to stay in their house they make all kinds of excuses. Same goes when a volunteer asks if they would like to learn English. So I am going to be very patient and do the teaching informally as I work and relax with them. Perhaps they will not be as shy when a tourist comes next time. As you may have noticed in my blogging, shyness is a dominating characteristic of the Thai people.
So I am patient, yet persistent.

Pictures will come later as I have not yet taken any.

I hope all is well in AumerIka!

Love Julia

I'm Heading Out!

The Mekong River, right up the road from where I'm staying.

This week we had a three day excellent training at the Open Mind Centre in Nong Khai. I have learned much needed Thai and Thai culture. The Thai cculture is frightening, I almost feel as though if I did not know the “rules” of the culture I would feel more relaxed to just be myself. But by knowing these particular things like don’t burden people with your troubles and always say never mind, it’s no problem and DON”T be assertive, the very thing I have worked so hard to become, is frowned upon.




I made wonderful friends with many westerners who are also doing volunteer work with Open Mind Projects. A couple from New York City said I have a stopping point/home there if I go to Bard College. The English couple invited me to have their number and email to call them if I am lonely, need to commiserate about difficulties of the eco-project placements as they will also be working at an eco-tourism project as well but in Laos. A boy from New Jersey who is also taking a gap year and doing another eco-project, but also in Laos. I feel some awesome support.





I bought a sim card and a cell phone and 100 minutes of credit all for about 21 dollars.

Seems to be going well. I’m just a little freaked out about going to my placement tomorrow. We had a dinner with a girl who had spent time in the Phu Wua wildlife sanctuary and volunteered there. She was afraid that I probably would not have enough to do while I was there. . . Well, we’ll see. It will definitely be village life there with people communalizing constantly. She said the culture is very rich there as well.

Tomorrow I go to the place that I have been wondering about for several months now, imagining, contemplating, dreading, yearning for, all the time knowing that it would be something of a challenge, something good for me and there would be love.

In Thailand

Thailand.



On the train from Bangkok to Nong Khai, where my training is being held. Early morning.



I arrived here after a very long 24 hour plane ride with two connections. Man, that was long. I was starting to feel as though I had flown in a plane my whole life and I’d be flying in a plane for the rest of my life as well. And then I got to thinking about prison - and that’s how that plane felt - slightly. We did cross over Alaska which was spectacular from above (I wouldn‘t like to be below.) The white mountains were fierce and frozen rivers dared to make their way between the mountains enormous strength and solidity.

Andrea, the previous volunteer coordinator at International Rescue Committee picked me up from the airport at 2 in the morning. The moment I stepped outside, the wet hot air clung to my skin like a big polyester body suit. After leaving this unusually cold winter in Atlanta, the hot air made me sweat quite unattractively.

Andrea guided me through every step of being in a new country. I am thoroughly grateful to her that I did not have to spend the night alone in a hotel, or for that matter have to find a hotel in the middle of the night. And, she is wonderful company. She moved to Thailand only a month ago and plans to begin volunteering until she can find a job here. Her kindness is overwhelming. She helped me all the way to the point of carrying some of my bags on to the train with me. And now she’s gone and I’m alone again.

The time difference from Thailand to home is twelve hours, so when I arrived I could not go to sleep and went down to the lobby and read Wicked until about 8 o’clock. I felt distressed as I stay wide awake in the middle of the night. The realization that I am so far, half way around the world, from my family, friends and country hit me like block of ice to my stomach. A loneliness swept over me as I tried and failed to access the internet. But I was soon accompanied by two black miniature poodles. They jumped up, one after the other on to the couch and immediately laid down and rested their heads on my thigh. They stayed for a long while until the cleaners came and they ran off to their owners. I finally got in touch with my family later that morning and talked to my sister Rachel and my mom. This cheered me up thoroughly.

I’m now sitting in my upper bunk of a Thai train heading up to Nong Khai, a Northeastern Province where I will be trained, volunteering and living. The train is wobbling to and fro and I’m on the an upper bun bed. The bed is quite thin and high off the ground. I’ll be up here all night and it feels as though with one jerk or swing of the train, I’ll fall right out of the bed…

I’m nervous and excited about what this new home for me will bring. I don’t feel as though it will be easy to let go of my life at home. All that’s happened this year in my family has been troubling and humbling. I want to let go of trying to process all of it. I think my subconscious can do much of the processing. But still there’s a heaviness in my heart from my dad’s death to my brother and yet I feel as though my family is all healthier and more united than we have ever been. It seems that we all want to love each other just the way we are. And we want listen and understand each other more. This is very comforting. And for a brief time on the plane I felt as though perhaps I was abandoning my family to find another family, but I realized that my family is my family and no other family is as real and true to me as mine. We are there always for each other. And I know they want me to have a freeing experience in Thailand. And they will always be close to me.

I feel a general uneasiness about certain houses and structures and people that I see. I know this is a direct connection to the uneasiness I feel when watching Spirited Away and some other Japanese animation films. The presence of superstition and magic frightens me. And the people’s little and short communication makes me feel nervous. But I think this is only on the surface. Once I get to know individuals personally, this anxiety will release. The people are definitely not the openly playful, openly expressive people of the United States. The Thais seem to keep their feelings to themselves. I have heard that in general they do not like conflict, especially in public and work hard to avoid clashes. I want to become close to people and learn about them and help. Tomorrow, I’ll be in Nong Khai for the three-day training. Then on Sunday I’ll leave for the village that I’ll be living in which is called Kham Pia. And the Wildlife Sanctuary I’ll be working at is called Phu Wua Wildlife Sanctuary. The volunteer program is called OpenMind Projects. (Just listing these things off for the people who have asked me to write these down for them.)

It would be so wonderful if anyone wants to send a letter or card or anything to me, this is the address you can send it to me by:

Julia Wallace
856/9 Moo 15, Prajak Rd, Paluang Soi Si (4)
Tumbol Naimuang, Amphor Muang, Nong Khai 43000,
Thailand

I will love to hear from you.
You can also email me at: mamapajaman@hotmail.com

I Love you all!